im a free bird.

lovepeacemerrychristmas

2010-12-24T00:01:00.002-07:00

this is my gift to you:

(enjoy).

lovepeacefleeece

2010-11-22T13:09:00.010-07:00

thanksgiving weekend this year was overshadowed by what unexpectedly became fleece weekend. it began late thanksgiving eve when claudia shook up the evening by gifting me with the teal fleece jacket from american eagle.

the one that i saw and then told everyone in my life about. the one that i tried on and haley said: its cute, eddie bauer would be jealous. yep, this one:

all i had to do was just show up at claudias house and she just gave it to me. i dont mean to speculate but maybe im her favorite?

fleece fest continued thanksgiving morning when old navy opened its doors to us for gobblepalooza. old navys term, not mine. despite the lame name, we made our trip to old navy a top priority. i was in search of one specific item in one specific color and one specific size.

apparently not everybody makes a thanksgiving morning trip to old navy a top priority, so i actually had little to no trouble getting my item. my fleece. my micro performance fleece quarter-zip mock neck pullover. in a neon melon shade.

i wore it all weekend. i wore it out on black friday. i wore it to the gym. i wore it over my sweatshirt and under my coat. because in utah if you dont have a sweatshirt and a fleece and a coat you might as well be naked.

then, like all good things, fleece weekend came to an end. i put on my appropriate sweater and hopped on my delayed flight back to my mesa. where you can actually forgo the sweatshirt, fleece, and coat and just walk around naked. maybe i do, maybe i dont.

also, this happened to me. as if on cue, my manager at gap today said: nice bag, is that marc? (referring to marc jacobs. you know, marc jacobs.)

i wanted to bow at her feet in an act of thanksgiving but i did not. so the bag still sucks but at least it passes for designer.

lovepeaceaz

2010-09-21T13:35:00.007-06:00

i dont typically give in to peer pressure. except for the time that i let claudia talk me into buying a black purse from the gap and then i hated it for 3 weeks until someone asked me if it was coach and now i like it. kind of.

but that was the exception because, like claudia says, i march to the beat of my own drum.

that being said, i shall now succumb and give in to peer pressure yet again. because the pressure from my peers to pick up my blogging pen is great and any more pressure may crack my skull, which i frown upon.

so im bloggin and i hope it is pleasing unto you. here goes:

one day i decided that i wanted a little bit more cacti in my life. saguaros, in particular. so i called up my home girl holly and i said holly should i move to mesa and she said yes and then i did.

but not before making the necessary preparations. namely, buying a subaru:

and metallic silver birks:

and dancing like an indian at dennys wigwam in kanab:

so im officially an az res. well, not officially. my license plates still say utah and i cant claim residency for another 9 months, but my zip code is 85201, my skin is flaking off, and i experience regular dehydration, so thats a start.

oh and i dont want to brag but it is warm where i live. if you live in utah and your fingers have a bluish-grey tint or you get bloody noses then you can visit me. i have a queen size bed.

also, next time you see me with my black purse please tell me that it is cute.

lovepeacebirthday

2010-05-07T04:19:00.032-06:00

soooooooo its my birthday. indeed i am sipping bacardi like its my birthday. to celebrate another year of wisdom, good looks, and odd habits, i have decided to look back at the year that was 21. so here she goes, this year in photos:

may: celebrated the 21st by trekking to the moabs. it was the phase when i thought my hair should be one inch long. we now know otherwise. thankfully.

june: spent some days in the big apple before heading to...

...the big waffle. they dont really call belgium the big waffle.

july: this looks like an iphoto background but it is actually the eiffel tower. in paris. because i went there on a train. it was the phase where i went to other countries on trains. much better than the hair phase.

just my feet on the...

...which actually hasnt fallen down.

august: the diet coke phase...

the shopping phase...

and the explorer phase. (my feet and i were very much lost when this photo was taken.) im still waiting for all three phases to end but i kind of hope they dont. there are some, however, that have ended and i think maybe we are all grateful.

the phase where i used the same water bottle for 3 months.

the phase where i refused to cut my nails.

and the phase where i ate disco biscuits.

september: returned to the mother land...

where i laid my two most noble pairs of sandals to rest. til we meet again, dear friends.

october: had a fest and carved a pumpkin like haleys face.

november: spent thanksgiving morning at the wal marts. pretty sure its going to be a new tradition.

december: melted a votive candle all over my dresser and partied it up with eva.

january: hit the floridas for some much needed vitamin d.

ethel and willard know that the more skin you expose, the more vitamin d you get.

february: things started to slow down so i kept it exciting by eating some expired chips...

followed by some expired rice cakes. i guess you could say i live on the wild side.

march: chose one skill to focus on for the month and it was gas pumping. id say overall it was pretty successful.

april: easter brought snow and blue lips...

followed by phoenix, where the sun actually shines.

so here we are, back at may. heres to 22. the oldest age i have ever been so far. my goals for this age are nothing out of the ordinary, just self-actualization, translation into heaven, and maybe a movie based on my life. in that order. we can check back next year and see how it went. cheers.

lovepeaceaging

2010-05-05T23:43:00.004-06:00

you may or may not but definitely should be aware that my birthday is coming up in approximately 5 days. birthdays always shoot me for a loop and give me some unwelcome and paralyzing perspective. this is the account of such perspective:

today i was at my favorite place within my favorite place, which is the tcby within the mall. i went because they now have soft serve butter pecan frozen yogurt. not the point.

the point is that the man helping me was 40 and working at tcby. when i ordered the butter pecan he asked if i had had it before and i said no and he said it is totally so good. and i smiled and in my head i said oh man that guy likes his job way too much. and the fear struck.

what if i like MY job too much? so i dont leave? ever? granted 40 is not 21 and tcby is not the gap, but fear does not listen to reason.

i know that it was only recently that i carried on about my bright but partially undecided future so if you want to stop reading now (traitor) i will (not) forgive you.

i identified the problem with my future fears (fears about the future, not fears i expect to have at a later date) and this is the problem: unrealistic comparisons.

exhibit a: bob at tcby.

exhibit b: a friend of a friend just bought a house and she is 27 and i practically revere her for it. then came the fear. i felt behind because i dont have a house. then haley told me that 21 isnt 27. valid point.

exhibit c: amanda seyfried is 24 and she has a dog and she takes him on walks all over the city and i know this because us weekly always sees them out on walks and takes pictures. and so the fear strikes. if she can have a dog then i can have a dog, notwithstanding the fact that she is a (beautiful and talented and also my favorite) movie star and can afford to live in an apartment where dogs are allowed or she could buy herself a palace.

oh no she could buy herself a palace. and cue the fear. i should save my money so i can buy me and my dog a palace when i am 24.

or i could not save my money and instead invest in some retail therapy to overcome (or temporarily block out) my fears. which is the one i choose because this currently resides at banana and i cant wait to own it.

umm also are you aware that catalog is the preferred spelling over catalogue in america? blogspot tried to inform me that catalogue isnt a word. but that is false.

lovepeacebigspender

2010-04-05T23:19:00.002-06:00

this evening i was feeling indulgent so i went to the library, where you can indulge and indulge and walk out of there with as much stuff as you want for free. i wont read 6 books or listen to an 8 cd set of american history made fun in the next 3 weeks, i can guarantee it. no big deal, it was all free.

but it wasnt enough for me.

so i headed over to barnes & noble, where you can get the same things as at the library but you have to pay for them. i succeeded in talking myself out of the giant book of iq tests, the mini notebook that says keep calm and carry on, and even the 8,892 things you can do to bring good karma. which i will probably go back for.

i was less successful, however, in resisting the magazine aisle. put lc (lauren conrad, if you havent watched reality tv in the last 5 years) on the cover of glamour and i will buy it. tell me this months people contains the most recent style watch and i will buy it. apparently you can get a flatter belly in days, not weeks, and it is so much easier than you thought. and im about to know how because i bought it.

and the worst part is that the magazines dont just cost me 8 dollars. no, because jennifer aniston is about to show me how to get her look with 479 guilt-free finds.

479! and they are guilt free! so i can, and will, buy them. and i wont feel guilt. except that i probably will feel guilt. i already feel guilt for spending 8 dollars on magazines. but when guilt went up against jennifer aniston, it didnt even stand a chance because she is super hot.

spending money on magazines that tell you to spend more money on things you dont need isnt all negative though. on the bright side, im about to know the 25 times im irresistible to him and dont even know it. glamour is offering me 10 tricks for sexy hair while people is offering me another 20, so ill have a total of 30 tricks. plus there is an outrage because of the 12,000 unsolved rapes but it is ok because one brave young woman is on a crusade for answers.

so i continue to fan the flame, to fuel the fire, to feed the fuego of mindless consumerism with my highly flammable magazine pages. because with omg so many freebies to win, who can afford not to?

also if you are a lazy girl looking for a guide to healthier eating, i will let you borrow my rip-out shopping list.

lovepeacecrisis

2010-03-28T12:22:00.001-06:00

today haley said, "did you know that in afghanistan the average life expectancy is 42? that means you would be 21 and think, oh i am half-way through my life."

so i said, "that means i would be having my mid-life crisis right now..."

oh wait. i am.

one time i went to college and got a degree and then i didnt know what to do. so i decided it was a good time to sit myself down and re-evaluate what it want to do when i grow up, which is kind of like now.

this is what i came up with.

i am smart so i should be a doctor. but i like dressing up so i dont want to wear scrubs and i dont really like blood or intestines and when people talk about passing out i pass out. so maybe that one is a no.

i like talking so maybe i should be a teacher. but i dont like kids very much (or at all) and i want to make money so that is a no.

i like clothes so maybe i should work in fashion. but then i watched devil wears prada and meryl intimidated me to tears through the t v screen. so maybe im not bad-a enough so that would be a no.

i like food so... oh ha ha no i dont really like food. but i do like cereal so maybe i could work in a cereal factory. hairnet. nope.

i like gap so maybe i could work at gap! yayayyayyyaaayyyyayyaayyy!

so gap takes this round. which is convenient because i already work there. besides, who doesnt want a discount on this?

or this?

oh i do.

lovepeacebutterflyflower

2010-03-28T11:39:00.011-06:00

yesterday on my break i went to bath and body works. i went to buy a candle and it is in front of the candle wall that i stood when i was suddenly ambushed by the flamboyant male employee who tried enthusiastically to convince me that island margarita was the best one of them all.

i said, you think so? and he goes, i dont think so, i KNOW so. it just is. my whole house smells like it and it is FABULOUS. (insert hand flick).

ok i dont really remember if he said fabulous but i think he did. so i bought it.

but you know what happens when you buy something at BBW? they always have some kind of coupon and they say, go pick out something else and it will be free. my most pressing need was shower gel so i made the rounds, smelling all of the smells and trying to choose one and that is when i found it.

butterfly flower. that is the real name of it. i felt guilty for liking it since it is called butterfly flower and since i am over the age of thirteen, but sometimes things like this just happen and we never know why.

so i bought it. well, they gave it to me free. so now i smell like this

and i want to wear one of these

and i want to be this lady

because she is having a good time and i bet she smells like a butterfly flower.

lovepeacehardcore

2010-03-11T21:54:00.004-07:00

the winter has made me weak and feeble like unto a wimpy child and i was thinking that i am not hardcore enough so in preparation for summer i have decided to become more hardcore. every day im trying to do a brave thing that will make me more hardcore. so far i have done these brave things:

1 yesterday i told the people who got on the treadmill next to me that it was broken. (it was, in fact, broken. i wasnt just saying that.)

if you think telling someone a treadmill is broken isnt scary then please keep that to yourself because i kind of do. it would be much easier to let them figure it out on their own and watch them as they push buttons like a FOOL and finally walk away.

but today i was their champion and saved them from the depths of foolery.

the women thanked me for my kindness and found themselves an elliptical. the men didnt believe me and continued to push every button on the machine until they finally concluded that it was broken (im not exaggerating, every single man did that).

2 two days ago i parked in visitor parking at byu. hay says this shouldnt be scary since i am, in fact, a visitor but because my car still has byu parking stickers in the window i look like a fraud. the man sitting at the toll booth gives me the stink eye before he hands me my visitor pass every time. the stink eye would normally be enough to deter me from parking there but not anymore. not now that i am hardcore.

3 and now for the grand finale. tonight i went out to a social event. a barbecue, if you will. for someone who loves people i sure do shirk at the idea of social events. of all the scarier things in life, this is the scariest.

but tonight i was the bravest and i faced the scariest.

i put on my denim motorcycle jacket and i faced the barbecue in all of its social glory. and i was the VICTOR! the victor as in the combatant who is able to defeat rivals, not the victor like the name.

like alice in wonderland, i have slain the jabberwocky. and if you havent seen alice in wonderland you should go see it today or tonight, do not delay.

and thus progresses my goal of becoming an hcxba (hardcore to the max bad-a). next on the list: face my debit card history for the month of february. retail therapy works wonders for the winter blues, not so much for my savings.

...also i just want to throw this in there: if i felt inclined to talk about my feet on my blog, i would tell you that brave thing number 4 was popping my own blisters after my 10-miler which is usually a job i save for claudia. but that is nast so im not going to say anything.

lovepeacehiatus

2010-03-09T12:58:00.004-07:00

i dont know if anybody noticed, but i took a brief blogging hiatus. no reason, just decided to mix it up a little. but like a runner misses his toenails, i have missed the blog.

so i came back!
mmmyaaayyy!

seems logical that i give a quick recap, just to let you know what you've missed in the world of me for the last 74 days. so recap. here it is:

1. stopped working at my real job because of the carpal tunnel.

love the company
love the people
hate the carpal tunnel.

2. started, well re-started, working at my FAVORITE JOB EVER.

GGGGAAAAAAPPPPPPPPP.

if you could wed a store, i would wed the GAP. my love for the GAP fills my heart all the way up to my throat or even half-way up my throat. they have to make me go home when my shift is over. i beg haley to give me her shifts. i mean i REALLY love this job. so thats cool.

2.5 as a direct result of my new job, my wardrobe has improved significantly. i wish i could say the same for my checking account.

i now own this

and this

this too

oh and this dress

i could go on but i wont.

3. picked up running.

i remember that i like running and dislike what running does to my feet. my toenails are pretty mad at me so they arent sticking around for long.

4. slammed my finger in a car door.

actually that happened in november during a rant about carpal tunnel, after which i went into shock, after which the nail turned electric blue, after which the nail turned black, and on sunday the nail fell off. so i painted my thumb pink so that if you look only briefly i can trick you into thinking i have a thumbnail. freaky? yep.

my nails and i used to be such good friends
but things have really taken a turn for the worse.

5. began honing my domestic skills.

one time i baked muffins from scratch and one time i cooked salmon in a frying pan. i hang my pants on the clothesline and sometimes i swiffer the kitchen floor. i have even been a hostess a couple times. call me dolly madison because i practically am.

6. moved in with hales.

it is the best thing ever. we watch movies and go to the wal-marts. we learn the words to we didnt start the fire. we even have girl talk sometimes. just ask and i will invite you over to mingle with us and i might even bake you a muffin because i have become quite domestic.

those are the 6 most important things that have happened in the last 74 days. stay tuned, i think things are about to get exciting.

p.s. remember god? he just came over to our table to chat. he's married now. oh man.

lovepeacedaytwelve

2009-12-24T09:29:00.002-07:00

on the twelfth day of christmas my true love gave to me:

twelve hours of family christmas fun. then another twelve hours, then another twelve, and finally one more twelve. if you did the math, you know that that makes forty-eight hours of together time. times eleven people, that makes 528 people-hours. together in the same house, our sleeping bags in the same room, eating pistachio salad from the same plastic spoons and drinking martinellis from the same plastic champagne glasses. that is a lot of hours of fun. heaven be with us all.

on the agenda:

gingerbread houses

nativity reenactment

princess and the frog

open presents

sledding

play the new games santa brought

crash

eleven settings at the christmas table.

ten dollar dresses for the christmas eve party.

nine cinnamon pretzel bites for dinner.

eight items on my to-do list that remain unchecked off.

seven times approached by someone in the mall.

six items off the arbys value menu.

five tears nearly shed.

four very sore limbs.

three sale coats from anthropologie.

two housing contracts in the cutest condo ever in the whole world for me and haley.

and a natalie cole. and i loved her.

feliz navidad and merry christmas.

lovepeacedayeleven

2009-12-24T01:00:00.007-07:00

on the eleventh day of christmas my true love gave to me:

eleven settings at the christmas table. we sure are multiplying and replenishing quickly. and next year there will surely be twelve, maybe even thirteen if haley gets married and fourteen if haley gets married and pregnant. i am just saying it is possible.

i would be willing to bet a dollar that you just counted how many people are in that picture to see if there really are eleven. there are.

ten dollar dresses for the christmas eve party.

nine cinnamon pretzel bites for dinner.

eight items on my to-do list that remain unchecked off.

seven times approached by someone in the mall.

six items off the arbys value menu.

five tears nearly shed.

four very sore limbs.

three sale coats from anthropologie.

two housing contracts in the cutest condo ever in the whole world for me and haley.

and a natalie cole. and i loved her.

lovepeacedayten

2009-12-23T00:01:00.002-07:00

on the tenth day of christmas my true love gave to me:

ten dollar dresses for the christmas eve party.

i say dresses in the plural because i got matching ones for me and hay. acting completely out of character, she is refusing to wear hers. killjoy.

nine cinnamon pretzel bites for dinner.

eight items on my to-do list that remain unchecked off.

seven times approached by someone in the mall.

six items off the arbys value menu.

five tears nearly shed.

four very sore limbs.

three sale coats from anthropologie.

two housing contracts in the cutest condo ever in the whole world for me and haley.

and a natalie cole. and i loved her.

lovepeacedaynine

2009-12-21T23:39:00.003-07:00

on the ninth day of christmas my true love gave to me:

nine cinnamon pretzel bites for dinner.

they say hindsight is 20/20 but im pretty sure i knew that having cinnamon pretzel bites for dinner wasnt a good idea even before i made that decision.

if you are thinking about my alleged cinnamon allergy and wondering if i have a headache, the answer is yes. but there is also a lurking variable which is the fact that cinnamon pretzel bites do not a sufficient dinner make and sometimes insufficient dinners can also give you a headache. caffeine overload can also cause headaches so im not admitting to any late night diet coke consumption but that is also a possible cause.

eight items on my to-do list that remain unchecked off.

seven times approached by someone in the mall.

six items off the arbys value menu.

five tears nearly shed.

four very sore limbs.

three sale coats from anthropologie.

two housing contracts in the cutest condo ever in the whole world for me and haley.

and a natalie cole. and i loved her.

lovepeacedayeight

2009-12-20T22:43:00.003-07:00

on the eighth day of christmas my true love gave to me:

eight items on my to-do list that remain unchecked off.

for a more positive take on things, i would like to focus on the eight things that didnt make the to-do list that i did accomplish.

1 do the la times crossword puzzle
2 eat a potato
3 read winnie the pooh learns to always tell the truth
4 watch a cheesy albeit touching hallmark film
5 wear the wrong socks to church
6 take an 11 am nap
7 rack up a $754.94 shopping cart on urbanoutfitters.com (none of which i will buy)
8 learn whether the phrase "rack up" is spelled rack or wrack. it is rack up without a w.

seven times approached by someone in the mall.

six items off the arbys value menu.

five tears nearly shed.

four very sore limbs.

three sale coats from anthropologie.

two housing contracts in the cutest condo ever in the whole world for me and haley.

and a natalie cole. and i loved her.

lovepeacedayseven

2009-12-19T23:23:00.004-07:00

on the seventh day of christmas my true love gave to me:

seven times approached by someone in the mall who:

a) spoke with a heavy mediterranean accent
b) wanted to rub something on my nails, my hands, or my head; and,
c) began with "escoose me miss, may i ahs you a queshon?"

no, you cannot ahs me queshon. you cannot ahs me anything. you cannot touch my cuticles, you cannot straighten my hair, and please don't touch me with that claw-like head scratcher.

please try to give somebody else lice for christmas, im not super interested today.

six items off the arbys value menu.

five tears nearly shed.

four very sore limbs.

three sale coats from anthropologie.

two housing contracts in the cutest condo ever in the whole world for me and haley.

and a natalie cole. and i loved her.

lovepeacedaysix

2009-12-18T23:16:00.003-07:00

on the sixth day of christmas my true love gave to me:

six items off the arbys value menu for just $6 + tax. 3 jr roast beef sandwiches, 1 jr chicken sandwich, 1 curly fry, and a jamocha shake later, the whole family was fed and went to bed.

this is a true statement.

five tears nearly shed.

four very sore limbs.

three sale coats from anthropologie.

two housing contracts in the cutest condo ever in the whole world for me and haley.

and a natalie cole. and i loved her.

lovepeacedayfive

2009-12-17T22:38:00.002-07:00

on the fifth day of christmas my true love gave to me:

five tears nearly shed while watching blind side at the jordan commons. i shed none of the five, but it was a close call. if you havent seen it i wont give anything away, but it is especially sad when he dies at the end. just kidding, that doesnt happen.

four very sore limbs.

three sale coats from anthropologie.

two housing contracts in the cutest condo ever in the whole world for me and haley.

and a natalie cole. and i loved her.

lovepeacedayfour

2009-12-16T23:26:00.002-07:00

on the fourth day of christmas my true love gave to me:

four very sore limbs.

i braved the super intense boot camp conditioning class at the gym yesterday. it kicked my trash but ill be back for more next tuesday at 8:45 am sharp. and this time, ill be ready for that weird mermaid-to-rainbow-to-thread-the-needle move that wrenched my abdominals so. YES SIR!

three sale coats from anthropologie.

two housing contracts in the cutest condo ever in the whole world for me and haley.

and a natalie cole. and i loved her.

lovepeacedaythree

2009-12-14T23:03:00.001-07:00

on the third day of christmas my true love gave to me:

three sale coats from anthropologie.

none of which i actually bought, only contemplated buying.

because my coat is at the dry cleaners.

dont ask why it is at the dry cleaners, it isnt because i spilled gas all over myself.

two housing contracts in the cutest condo ever in the whole world for me and haley.

and a natalie cole. and i loved her.

lovepeacedaytwo

2009-12-14T22:33:00.003-07:00

on the second day of christmas my true love gave to me:

two housing contracts in the cutest condo ever in the whole world for me and haley.

and a natalie cole. and i loved her.

lovepeacedayone

2009-12-13T19:24:00.006-07:00

on the first day of christmas my true love gave to me:

a natalie cole. and i loved her.

lovepeacebling

2009-12-10T03:58:00.002-07:00

confession: i recently began a love affair and i think its time i was upfront about it.

my mate? bling. if it glints, glows, or sparkles, i want it bad. diamonds, gold, dont even TALK to me about sequins. shimmer, glimmer, glitter, give it to me baby. and give it to me bedazzled.

if you know my style, you'll know that this is a far cry from the norm. i would usually call my choice in clothing... conservative? wait no. maybe natural. or maybe neutral. a neutral natural kind of earthy. blacks, greys, wolves, feathers, wood stuff. but lately its all rhinestones, sequins, studs, and glitter. i even bookmarked the victoria's secret PINK website (not a lie). i spend every break at work looking at the same $90 pair of sweat pants.

pretty hot, huh? i want to wear them out in public tucked into my uggs with the $90 matching hoodie.

what's happening to me? i have also become a fool for things that have text that an eight-year-old would love on them. if it says love, peace, or something similarly cheesy, im on it.

my dad thinks its my grandma eva gene manifesting itself in a new way. the grandma eva who takes off on the weekend to go to the sand dunes with bob. the grandma eva who wears a full on leather getup to ride on the back of bob's harley. the grandma eva who wore snakeskin jeans with an overlay of shimmer on them to thanksgiving dinner. the grandma eva who, when complimented on the said jeans, told me the story of how she tried them with a glittery top but that was too much.

though constantly tempted to splurge, im trying to keep my buying to a minimum until ive determined whether this is a phase or the early onset of evahood. so far ive limited myself to 2 glittery tanks and 1 wife beater with a sequined front. oh and a velour sweatsuit but that doesnt count. oh and some leathery croc leggings but those dont count either.

so on a different note, if you are looking for christmas ideas for me, i will take anything from this website. also, i could use a new bedazzler.

lovepeacestretchypants

2009-11-20T22:59:00.002-07:00

this one is for the 70-year-old lady in metallic fuchsia stretchy pants on the elliptical at 5:30 this morning.

first of all, thanks for being you. you are the best.

second of all, i just have some questions for you if you dont mind.

1 from whence have they come, those metallic stretchy pants? those leggings the color of a raspberry that collided with the north star?

if we were referring to the crayola box of 120 crayons, we could call your pants razzle dazzle rose or jazzberry jam, those fabulous pants.

2 at what point did you decide those were gym pants? im glad you did, dont get me wrong. i am glad that you did.

3 for what reason did you and your pants need to make your appearance at 5:30 in the am?

you must be at least 70, maybe pushing 80. do you have so much going on in your life that you must awake at 5 to put on those razzle dazzle jazzy pants and hit the gym by 5:30?

do you have some sort of stretchy pant convention to go to?
can i come? i would like some razzle dazzle pants too please.
and i would like mine to be metallic mermaid teal please.
the color of a mermaid who swallowed the titanic necklace please.

thank you for being there today, razzly dazzly stretchy lady. we have been inspired, truly.

also, the word of the day is billingsgate, meaning foul or abusive language. the word billingsgate sounds an awful lot like bill gates, which is why everybody should have a mac. point proven.

lovepeaceobfuscate

2009-11-19T22:42:00.002-07:00

im tired and dont have the mental capacity to write well so obviously i wasnt going to blog BUT i couldnt let this special day pass me by. the reason today is special is because the word of the day today is obfuscate, which is a really rad word. when the word of the day is obfuscate you cant let it go unnoticed. someone has to say something about obfuscation. so i will leave you with this use-the-word-in-a-sentence:

today at work i tried to obfuscate my bloodshot eyes so as to hide the fact that i didnt sleep well last night because i was too excited to wake up and eat the new bag of golden grahams we got at wal mart.

so good night. i just ate some golden grahams so we should be ok tonight.

lovepeacecinnamon

2009-11-09T22:01:00.006-07:00

it came to pass that i ate cinnamon three days ago and consequently got a cinnamon headache which pained me and i said i need a seasoned detective. its ironic that i said seasoned because this is about cinnamon, but i am using seasoned in a different context in which it does not refer to cinnamon but rather to experience.

it wasnt the first time the cinnamon headache had occurred. rather it was the one million and third time and frankly, i had had enough. so i employed the seasoned detective in me and put myself on the case.

i first asked google and google gave me few results. wait, no, google gave me 5,330,000 results. what i meant to say is that google gave me few helpful results. i cant say i checked all five million three hundred thirty thousand, but almost. google did suggest that perhaps i am allergic to cinnamon but i think that is wrong.

so i made these two lists:

things that have cinnamon that give me a headache:
cinnamon rolls (the most lethal culprit, hands down. i almost start convulsing when i walk past a cinnabon.)
cafe rio mints (they put me out of commission for two days and two nights.)
big red gum
cinnamon bears
pumpkin pie blizzards (yeah, so i tried one. and it was kind of good. so what.)
cinnamon toast crunch

things that have cinnamon that do not give me a headache:
cinnamon sugar on toast
cinnamon on yams
cinnamon life (thank heavens. i couldnt live without it)
cinnamon burst bread from great harvest (another indispensable)
kashi heart to heart cinnamon sunrise cereal

so the detective work has proven inconclusive. if i was indeed allergic to cinnamon i wouldnt be able to eat it on toast and yams. so that is not it. the real culprit is still at large, unidentified.

should i avoid cinnamon flavored things this holiday season to avoid the cinnamon headache? i should.

will i? i will not.

bring it, cinnamon.

lovepeacewacation

2009-11-07T11:54:00.002-07:00

if you have ever seen rat race (and dont pretend you havent rented it 17 times before finally deciding to buy it. oh wait that was me) you will recall the part where cuba gooding jr steals the tour bus full of i love lucys. there is this one part where my favorite asian lucy says

"you wuined ouw whowe wacation!"

and thus in the young santistevan sisterhood, vacations are affectionately referred to as wacations.

i bring this up because i need a wacation. on my quest of self discovery in recent years, i have noticed a trend regarding a need for wacations and it is this: i know that i need a wacation when i start to get hypochondriacal (real word. look it up).

for example:

this week my right hand started to go numb and prickly and get really cold when im on the computer at work. normally i would attribute it to the fact that my arm is in the same bent position in a 60 degree office for 8 hours in a row.

not today. today i think i have carpal tunnel and i need to have surgery before my insurance runs out.

last night i couldnt sleep. i ended up eating toast on french bread and watching the most recent episode of glee at 3 o clock am. normally i would reason that it was because i drank 2 coke zeroes with dinner so that i would be awake for regina spektor (which changed my life. she is absolutely the most talented regina i have ever met.)

but not today. today i think i have a sleep disorder and i need lunesta.

now im pretty tired. my eyes cant hardly stay open so my contacts keep hurting. my face looks like death slapped me on the cheek and then ate me and then spat me out again. my skin and hair are dry and my limbs refuse to move. on any normal day i would suppose that its because i didnt sleep last night because i stayed up eating toast on french bread and watching the latest episode of glee because i drank two coke zeroes so i could stay up for regina.

but today is no normal day. today i have decided that i am iron deficient and i need some slow fe which is a slow release iron pill or i need to go to fuddruckers for dinner.

i could go on but i wont. ill simply deduce that i need a wacation. i proposed taking a cruise next week but my mom said we are not in high school and we have to be responsible adults and show up for work. so ill just schedule my carpal tunnel surgery, drink some caffeine, take my lunesta, and eat my hamburger.

(if anybody is up for NOT being an adult and showing up for work this week, please contact me. i will meet you in aruba.)

lovepeacenora

2009-10-23T10:36:00.005-06:00

during a typical 3 am-i-cant-sleep-so-i-will-online-shop session last week, i stumbled upon some yoga pants. which color would i choose if i were to buy these pants? light heather gray perhaps? maybe carbon or mole? and that is when i found it. the color that made me stop dead in my tracks. not because of its stunning beauty, but rather because of its wholly illogical name:

goodnight nora.

what color, exactly, would one purport goodnight nora to be? i would guess black, since it is black when i say goodnight to nora. or maybe dark purple because nora strikes me as a purple name and the nighttime makes nora dark. i would be wrong since goodnight nora is, in fact, midnight blue.

a few nights later at fhe we had a family talent show (i wanted to do the berries & cream little lad dance but i forgot to sign up).

some darling girls in the fam spouted off all 120 colors in the 120 count crayola crayon box. i was impressed and promptly looked up the list so that i too could add this skill to my skill box. my favorites were these:

neon carrot

manatee

inch worm

mauvelous

scarlet harlot (just kidding its really just scarlet)

upon further inspection of the crayola website, i found that several of my favorite color names have been retired in years past, typically because they are racist or inappropriate (which is probably why they were my favorites). i shall pay tribute to them now. rest in peace dear crayons:

prussian blue

flesh

indian red

raw umber (not inappropriate, just strange)

scarlet harlot (just kidding that was never one)

so goodnight nora. keep it colorful.

lovepeacepetroleum

2009-10-18T15:12:00.004-06:00

today i checked my bank statement online to make sure wal mart didnt overcharge me for my hannah montana fur vest and as i scanned the record, one charge jumped out at me: a charge for 30 dollars even at an address in bountiful. when did i spend exactly 30 dollars in bountiful? what in the world costs exactly 30 dollars besides 30 kiddie cones at mr biggs frozen yogurt at south towne mall and when was i even in bountiful?

then i remembered this story which took place 2 fortnights ago.

as i trekked the trek from work in kaysville to home in sandy, i noticed that the gas gauge was a little bit past the empty sign and nearing sudden death. so i pulled off the freeway in the land full of bounty to fill up.

when i get gas i play this challenging game with the gas pump where i try to stop it right on the dollar and the gas pump tries to make me go over 5 or 7 cents. i typically lose and by typically i mean always. but today was different.

when i passed the 29 dollar mark, i loosened my grip on the handle ever so slightly to slow the flow of petroleum into my '89 prelude that isnt ghetto. i started counting with the dollar gauge, 10...20...30...40... all the way up to 100 and when i got to 100 i LET GO REALLY FAST!

and alas, there it was. 30 dollars even. shaking slightly, i put the pump back into the pump holder. the pump asked if i wanted a receipt and i said no thanks im trying to be green.

and then the pump had the moxie to tell me thank you, as if it were the one who needest be thanking me. and i said no thank you gas pump, really. its been an honor.

and i got in the 'lude (thats short for prelude) and drove away.

lovepeacebeermaiden

2009-10-18T14:34:00.023-06:00

the reasons that i love the people in my family today are these:

dad because he takes me on drives to kearns.
mom because she buys me chocolate graham goldfish.
justin because he invites me over to watch monsters vs aliens.
katt because she visits me after going yard selling.
laine because he gives me websites to stream the byu game live.
court because she leaves 3 bit o honeys at my house.
boston because she likes hannah montana like me.
neddie because she always thinks our hair is the same when it is not.
brighton because wears a monster suit.
haley because she plays along when i think im getting a dog.

but the reasons that i love my family as a collective body today are these:

we celebrate oktober in style with oktoberfest parteis. and we dress accordingly.

just and katt were our gracious hosts, the hostesses with the mostestes (not a word), the hosts with bratwursts on the grill and a bun in the oven.

costume contest: we are all winners, but not really because halesy and i kicked trash.

with oktoberfest officially over, permission has been granted to pull out the christmas music. which reminds me: only 2 months remain to prepare my costume for whobilation. i am hoping to find something like this:

looking like that in it might cost more than $34.99, but im a working woman now.

may the best who win.

lovepeaceexcuses

2009-10-13T19:54:00.002-06:00

saturday night i was nervously pacing the front hallway, waiting for my date to come pick me up, when he called to say sorry he was running late. i asked him what his best excuse was and he told me that he didnt believe in excuses and he said that the best thing to do is always just tell the truth.

false.

excuses are always the best option. good excuses work wonders. even bad excuses work wonders if you tell them in the right tone of voice because people dont know if it is true or not. sensitive excuses work the best, like about illnesses and death, because nobody is brave enough to call you on it. another tip is to tell the excuse in a sarcastic voice because it confuses people. the worst case scenario is that people see through you but they let it slide and call you a fool behind your back but at least you got away with it.

so here are my excuses for not blogging since my return to the states. all of them are true:

1. the seasonal transition to fall gave me anemia. there is no time to blog when you are eating iron-rich meats.
2. i felt it necessary to learn the international phonetic alphabet so i did.
3. halloween quickly approacheth and my forest nymph costume isnt going to sew itself.
4. i rediscovered the public library and it sucked me into its ever-deepening chasm. ask me about numerology. ask me about feng shui. ask me how to catch a fairy. i can tell you.
5. speaking of rediscoveries and chasms, lets talk about wal-mart. i never want to leave. i want everything from the newly updated great value brand crystal light packets to the miley cyrus line of clothing. especially the miley cyrus line of clothing.
6. miley cyrus deleted her twitter account. how can i go on.
7. i am trying to simultaneously increase my french, italian, and spanish skills whilst also trying to keep them straight. n'est pas molto bueno. that sentence has irony because it has all three languages mixed together. that is why that sentence is funny.

regardless of these true reasons (note that i said regardless, not irregardless because irregardless is not a word. please remember that the next time you want to say it.) i am pleased to announce that i have returned to the blogosphere. i knocked on blogosphere's door and i said sorry for being a bad friend, blogosphere. and he said it is ok and he let me back in. because blogosphere is kind like that.

lovepeacewolf

2009-08-30T07:30:00.011-06:00

i am pretty sure i am the luckiest person in the world right now. my reasons are these:

1. i slept 12.5 hours last night which is a 230% increase from the usual 5.5 hours and it was n-i-c-e.

2. i got a job. a grown-up one. it sufficeth me to say that i am s-t-o-k-e-d.

2.5. in 10 days and 11 hours, i'll board a plane, buckle my seat belt, and fly fly away. to the land of the free. the home i love. the state to which i swore i would never return except for holidays and now it's the only place i want to be. the big u t. that place.

3. i saved this one for last because it alone is enough to convince one of my exceptional fortune. if i had put this one first, you would have stopped reading, certain that the world is sending to me all things good. it will sound made up but i assure you it is not.

yesterday i hit up rue neuve for some shopping, where i was entirely overwhelmed. i found it necessary to create a mantra of sorts. some way to define my style in order to guide my consumption decisions. dr. gary rhoads always said that creativity loves constraints and he was correct.

my mantra had to encompass my lifestyle staples: coral lipstick, wood earrings that almost touch my shoulders, and things that increase my speed without leaving any tracks. the task was challenging. mantra-creating is not for the faint of heart. but i was prepared and finally came up with this: earthy-goes-eighties-with-a-twist-of-athleticism.

this is where it gets good. a mere 7 seconds after i had mantra-cised my style, i stumbled upon this jewel.

is that a navy wide-neck sweatshirt with dolman sleeves and a wolf on it? indeed.

i found my size (which is 34 here. its weird.), stood at the cash register for a couple minutes, stood at the cash register for a couple more minutes (customer service is not key here. in fact it doesn't really exist.) but it was totally worth it. i'll wear it til it has holes in it. i'll sleep in it, spray it with febreeze, and wear it the next day. it will become my friday shirt, my saturday shirt, and my sunday shirt. if monday is a public holiday it will be my monday shirt. my tuesday yoga shirt. my watching-thursday-night-tv shirt. i'll wear it until it grafts to my skin. actually no, that's probably where i'll draw the line.

lovepeacesugargranules

2009-08-17T14:38:00.004-06:00

today i took a little break from work to clean out under my fingernails. all was well until under one fingernail i found a sugar granule. it was the size of a hail stone. or the size of a talent. it was the size of a talent-sized hail stone.

interesting, i thought. when was the last time i was eating sugar granules? and this is really shocking but i couldnt remember the last time i was picking up sugar granules with my fingernails.

i forgot to pack nail clippers and im pretty stingy with my euros, so my nails have gotten uncannily long.

i clack when i type and i drum them on my desk when im thinking. its no wonder that things get stuck. but sugar granule talent stones? so the source of the sugar granules remained, and still does remain even now 10 hours later, a mystery.

but where one mystery opens another closes and this is the mystery that i solved today:

the background story is that we used to sleep over at the castletons when my parents went out of town and we would come home smelling like the castleton house. everything from my esmerelda sleeping bag to my stirrup leggings was laden with castleton smell. it wasnt a bad smell though. it just smelled like the castletons. i never knew what it was. i thought it was because they were so righteous that their whole house had a righteous smell. our house didnt have the righteous smell because we went to ponderosa on sundays.

well i recently did my laundry at the neighbor's house. and by the way the people dont believe in dryers here and the weather doesnt believe in not being humid so this is what my room looks like for the three days after laundry day.

so today i put on a shirt that i had just washed and as i sat at work and the sun beat in the window and baked me, i smelled like the castletons again.

so i have narrowed it down to two options:
1 i have become sufficiently righteous and am now deserving of the righteous smell.
2 the castletons and my neighbor use the same laundry detergent.

now there isnt enough evidence to really sway me one way or the other so ill just have to leave it at that until i receive further proof.

lovepeaceamerica

2009-08-17T12:14:00.002-06:00

Make your own Countdown Clocks

not that im excited or anything. who even thinks america is the best place ever in the whole world anyway?

lovepeacerehab

2009-08-13T16:11:00.002-06:00

this evening, in an act of rebellion, i logged into the online countdown timer to check if my stay in brussels is over or not.

it isnt. but guess what the number of days was. 28. 28 days. like the sandra bullock movie 28 days. i tried to find a funny or interesting clip from the sandra bullock movie 28 days to post here. all were slightly inappropriate or pointless. kind of like the entire movie.

if people can go to rehab for 28 days i can stay in brussels for 28 days. but i think the food is better in rehab. dont ask me how i know that i just do.

jello and waffle just had a showdown in my head and jello kicked waffle's trash. you know why? jello is resilient. every time waffle threw a punch jello just bounced back. so go jello.

i sound homesick. because i am. but not as bad as i sound. brussels is... whoa i almost said brussels is cool but thats false. cool is not the right word. brussels is... umm... so weird. i thought i was weird until i came here.

you know what is cool is london. they speak english there. the signs are even in english. food labels are in english. its absolutely revolutionary, as in radically new or different.

one thing london does not have going for it is the pound. 1 pound cost me 1 dollar and 76 cents. and then my shirt was 30 pounds, which is 52 dollars and 80 cents, which is kind of an expensive shirt. and i bought it anyway because it says love on it three times. and it is charcoal. which is probably my favorite color right now next to neptune green. which is why i also spent 18 pounds on the neptune green version. whoopsie daisy. they say that in london, you know. hugh told me.

lovepeaceaerosol

2009-08-05T13:06:00.003-06:00

despite the fact that my european evenings are typically too full of european adventures to find the time to write, TWO blog-worthy things happened today so i had no choice.

1 i waterproofed my hair. not exactly a high point for me. i recently made two purchases, aerosol waterproofing spray and aerosol hairspray. in a moment of high intelligence, i placed them next to each other on my vanity. behind my ikea mirror, where i couldn't see them. in another moment of high intelligence, i reached my hand back to grab the hairspray. and then, in moment number three, i sprayed my whole head with waterproofing spray.

its so painful you might want the story to end there. but it doesnt. because in moment numero quattro, when the supposed hairspray didn't do anything for my coiffure, i went at it again. the front, the sides, the back. and thats when i saw it. the can came up around the back of my poor waterproofed head and in my ikea mirror i saw that it wasnt gold with a beautiful woman on it. no, it was black with a nineties-style graphic of enlarged water drops.

i thought about jumping in the shower to see what would happen but i had to be to work in 2.3 minutes. we will save that experiment for another day.

2 i found sprite zero. no need to ask where, as it could only be the carrefour that cares for me. the carrefour express up the street from my house likes to pretend it isn't the bomb (or da bomb, if you are reading this out loud) by overcharging me for just about everything except for baguettes. but then it gives me things like sprite zero and i know that it really is da bomb. perhaps it is even dabomb.com.

sorry carrefour express, but you blew your cover. you keep pulling stunts like this sprite zero one and ill pay double price for my corn flakes any day of the week.

lovepeacelent

2009-08-02T09:18:00.011-06:00

and stephanie said unto her blog, 40 days remain. and the blog saw this amount of days, that it was good. and the blog said, if jesus can go 40 days and 40 nights without food, you can live 40 days and 40 nights in brussels.

the going without food thing is kind of relevant too, seeing as how im down to two eggs and 1/4 of a tomato for the rest of the day. and its only 5:28 PM. or 17:28 if you are in europe, which i am. i tried to clear out all the food i had so i could go on an overhaul of a grocery shopping trip and get everything fresh and begin anew. i would say i was pretty successful.

so yesterday i braved the dam of amster.

and not only did we experience amsterdam on a saturday aftrnoon. no, we took on the saturday of a certain pride parade down the canal. you know the protesters on the first episode of the first season of arrested development? times that by 20 and add spectators in pink boas. legit.

post-parade all of the "floats" gathered in the canal where loud girl bands, excessive alcohol consumption, and wearing a bra as a shirt were all deemed appropriate.

and look who came back from the dead to support his people... DUMBLEDORE!

we hit up some lunch action at my new favorite place ever, the eclectic and organic gartine. being uncharacteristically courageous, i ordered the potted dutch shrimp with cognac and lemon rolls. could be the cognac speaking but im pretty sure the meal was flawless.

we proceeded to the van gogh museum, the catchy albeit touristy I AMSTERDAM letters, and then homeward bound. was it charming, lovely, and full of character? it was. would i spend the night in a hotel there? i wouldnt. no, not ever.

lovepeacefalafel

2009-07-29T14:59:00.011-06:00

at home in salt lake (affectionately abbreviated sl,ut), inspiration came from accentuating the bizarre in a seemingly ordinary life in a seemingly ordinary place. so what happens when i move to a really bizarre place, where the people are bizarre and it smells bizarre and on every street corner there is a bazaar?

i typically go against the grain by bringing out the weird from the normal. but to go against the grain here in weirdsville, i would have to bring out the normal. like write an entire blog about a grocery store. oh wait i did that. ive been trying to establish some sense of normality (or normalcy if you're a Warren G. Harding fan, and who isn't?)in this freaky, mixed up place, so my life in comparison has become relatively mundane.

HOWEVER. tonight i stumbled upon something so ultimately bizarre that it cannot go undocumented. so here is the documentation.

to celebrate having made it through hump day, my peeps from work and i decided to make it falafel-fun-fair night. we went to the best falafel maker in town, creatively named mr. falafel, then we had fun, and then we went to the fair. where the following events took place:

first we went on this ride. falafel had been down 7 minutes tops. falafel almost didn't stay down but i got it under control. the ride spins and the people on each end flip accordingly. not the kind of ride you would usually risk your life for at a temporary carnival. but sometimes you just try not to think about it because you have no choice because the man summoning people for the ride is so dang convincing:

not joking. and yes, that is a glittery silver plastic top hat atop his greasy ponytail. it was sure nice of him to keep smiling all the time even though he didn't have any teeth.

so we made it out alive. and shaking and nauseated. but it was totally worth it. as we walked around post-deathtrap, i began to realize that this wasnt your ordinary fair with your ordinary rides. take, for example, jetbob:

wow are those pictures of women in bikinis on a childrens ride? oh no not quite. they are nakey. and one day, kids, if you play your cards right, you too can be like jetbob and ride a jet ski in circles around nakey women. yeah. next came the african jungle ride:

fittingly named, get this, negresco. because what else would you call a safari ride through africa. if you get hungry there are plenty of fresh, and by fresh i mean raw, options:

just a little more proof that brusseleirs know how to party.

lovepeacecarrefour

2009-07-19T10:38:00.007-06:00

yesterday i hit my 1 month mark for being in brussels. shocking. im pretty sure i have lived here my whole life. i have forgotten the taste of mexican food and i dont know how to drive. baby carrots and 24-hour convenience stores are distant fantasies a brusselier could only dream of. will i ever see the mav again? do costco samples really exist?

in honor of my one month anniversary, i shall now honor brussels with a comprehensive list of things it has going for it:

1 carrefour. without a doubt, 100%, most definitely the thing i will miss most about brussels. its a grocery store. its the grocery store that the other belgian grocery stores want to be. its trademark C brings joy to my heart and exhilarates my soul. you have three options with the carrefour: the carrefour express (a mini), the carrefour gb (your average-sized grocer), and the HYPER carrefour (c4 on steroids).

every time i say the word carrefour i am reminded that carrefour cares for me. it pains me how great of a slogan that would be if anybody here spoke english. the thing i love the most about the c4 is its store brand, intelligibly named "carrefour brand." it is the western family of belgium, only better. when you buy c4 brand, it says to those around you: yeah, i like to save money, but i still shop at c4, so im still really rad. it doesnt have the negative connotation that comes with western family, or wal-marts great value brand, or kroger. no, carrefour thinks it is the shiz, and it is right.

2 baguettes. it doesnt matter where you go, what you do, or what time of the day or night it is. you will see someone carrying a baguette. they are like the plague of locusts, only crustier and tastier and better for the soul, especially the far from home soul who could use a major carb pick me up. not that i would know.

the plague of baguettes has sparked a number of questions in my wondering heart. where are all these people going with all their baguettes? who is going eat all these baguettes? with what will all these people eat all their baguettes? because i dont know if you know this but baguettes actually have a negative shelf life. you have approximately 74 minutes post-purchase before the baguette is an over-sized crouton. my confusion regarding this issue is not being exaggerated here, rather it is understated. im perplexed. so i just play along and buy a baguette and make it a point to carry it with me.

so there it is. my comprehensive list. there are, however, some honorable mentions that i will honorably mention now:

-paying 50 euro cents to use a public restroom, IF you can find one and there is a good chance that you cannot.

-milk that is sold at room temperature in a carton on a shelf. i call it shelf milk. no rush to get home from the c4, your milk is already warm because it is shelf milk.

-speculoos. mix a graham cracker and a ginger snap and make a rectangle-shaped cookie out of it with a hole in the middle. that is a speculoos. its kind of like magic.

im going to wrap it up here because its getting late. but dont worry the sun is still up. and will be for 3 more hours. because it doesnt get dark here. sometimes i feel like im at the north pole. like buddy the elf.

bye buddy, hope you find your dad.
thanks mr. narwhal.

lovepeacepeace

2009-06-02T03:00:00.002-06:00

so there was this one blog that i wrote one time and it got me into a little hot water (by hot i mean boiling. or scalding. yep definitely scalding.) with the enemy camp. so as im a proponent of peace and i wear a peace ring and i make a peace sign in pictures and the word peace is in the url of my blog, im makin peace and takin it off. im clearin the air. cleanin the slate. washin the dirty laundry. givin a peace offering.

consider this my cornucopia, laden with festive vegetables and those little dried out red and black corn kernels that you dont really eat you just sprinkle them like confetti on the table at thanksgiving. or a fruit basket. or a fruitcake. (it was dying to be said.)

i would also like to make the world a better place by showing this clip to everyone i know. it has changed my life.

peace be unto you. go ye now in peace. peace out, gangstas.

lovepeacebeingemotional

2009-05-12T22:22:00.009-06:00

im not a super emotional person. ok that was an understatement. i have a heart of stone. stone cold like limestone. like granite. like edward cullen's skin. my heart is vampire skin.

i once went over 5 months without crying. not one single solitary tear, not of happiness nor of sadness. i submitted myself to a grey's anatomy marathon to try and evoke a weep. couldn't happen. whilst an amiga of mine bragged about how she cried herself to sleep every night, woke up still crying, and continued to cry all day long (she didn't need to tell me- i was present and aware. oh boy was i aware.), i carried on with my desert eyes and edward-skin heart. needless to say, im not a weeper.

that is, until recently. lately i can't keep a tear in my eye to save my life. i watch grey's, i cry like a small child. mother's day, i weep tenderly. it was all i could do to not bawl in the theater during the trailer for my sister's keeper. (watch this and tell me if you can't keep from crying... then i'll tell you who has a heart of vampire skin.)

upon careful analysis, i have come up with three possible options for my emotional state:

1 after never, i mean never ever never, having been away from my parents for more than 10 days (and even then i was only in provo), i am preparing to leave the country for who knows how long. i may never return or see my family ever again.

2 i recently graduated from college and am being thrown haphazardly, like an infant from the top of a tall building, into the real world where i have to be a grown up.

3 izzy stevens has stage 4 metastatic melanoma with metastasises to the liver, brain, and skin, and has a 5% chance of survival. last week after she married karev, she lost all of her hair.

it does not take a rocket scientist nor a brain surgeon to conclude that 3 is the most obvious and only option that is even remotely plausible as the cause for my ever-swelling heart and leaky eyes. dear izzy stevens, please dont die.

lovepeacesocialresponsibility

2009-04-08T14:39:00.009-06:00

today i was set to interview for a job that i didn't want, so i decided not to go to the interview. and do you know what i did?

i called them.

yep! i called! i called and said i wasn't interested in the job so i wasn't coming in! was it scary? i almost peed my pants a little. i hung up and i was like "check me out. i am the quintessence of responsibility." so i did a little responsibility dance. a jig. a responsibility jig. and then i remembered the other day when something similar happened- i couldn't do something, so i sent an email, and i was honest (none of this "i had a death in the family" crap. i have used that so many times people probably thing im an orphan... and a widow).

so i started tallying my efforts of social responsibility... 5 points for calling in to the interview, 2.7 points for emptying my garbage whilst i got gas instead of throwing it out the window on the freeway, 3 points for turning off my power strip before i left the house for the weekend.

then i threw my apple core onto my neighbor's front porch. minus 4 points.

why onto the neighbor's front porch? because i was sitting on my front porch, my hand was so so sticky from eating my apple, and i didn't want to hold it anymore. why didn't i take it in the house? i was locked out. but only for like 3 hours so no big deal! so yeah i bowled it on over to the neighbor's. i live in a condo so i can do that. i can bowl things on over to the neighbor's.

i also threw away 6 plastic grocery bags after i grocery shopped at macey's this week. in the garbage. minus 1.68 points, .28 points per bag.

at the end of my tallying, i was positive 16 points! go me. but then i thought of the real kicker.

oh yeah i killed the easter bunny. minus one million points.

lovepeaceanimalmurder

2009-04-05T21:12:00.013-06:00

about a week ago in my journey of self-discovery, i finally came to terms with the fact that i am not an animal lover. it has always been my deep and dark secret, perhaps my deepest and darkest. in first grade when all the other girls wanted to be vets, i wanted to be an ice skater. in third grade when all the other girls chose the lisa frank trapper keepers with cats and horses, i wanted the genie one. i love my maggie and i aspire one day to own a weimaraner, but that's the end of my rope. i don't ride horses, i'm afraid of birds, and i am intolerant of cats.

as if the universe was aware of my reconcilliation, punishment was sent my way like a plague of locusts. the universe's method of torture? exposure to animal murder.

the first exposure is the most dramatic and surely the saddest. in fact, it might be the most dramatic and saddest thing that has ever happened to me ever in my whole life. if you are easily upset, you might want to skip this one.

i killed the easter bunny. we'll be lucky if easter comes at all this year.

in transit from denver (where citizen cope changed my life), at an hour of the morning which shall not be named in which it is dark, rabbit felt it necessary to cross the road. my options were limited: kill the bunny or kill five very neat, very beautiful 20-something-year-olds.

so jack lost the battle.

second exposure is just weird. if you are easily upset, i'd skip this one too. whilst i sat through yet another consumer behavior presentation, i was exposed to this commercial:

nuff said.

lastly, the lure of a space heater and a coffee toffee frosty coaxed me into four hours of the third lord of the rings movie. i absolutely won't complain for reasons not listed here,

but you know that part at the beginning when smeagol takes a bite out of a fish? i wasn't warned and i'll never eat sushi again. ok i might eat sushi again because i really like it, but if my stomach lurches we have smeagol to blame. sbaglio tuo, smeagol.

lovepeaceeyecancer

2009-03-22T23:45:00.002-06:00

i recently became engrossed with the notion that i have eye cancer. at first it was a passing thought but as the evidence has begun to manifest itself, the thought has stuck...

i decided to investigate by running a list of my symptoms on Web MD. if i wasn't a hypochondriac before i visited Web MD, i am now! the problem is that they give you a comprehensive list of symptoms to choose from. at first i was discriminatory but soon the list began to wear down my soul.

do you have neon floaty zigzags in your eye?
nothing of the sort.
do you have wandering lines in your field of vision?
uh not really.
do cloudy spots float across your retina at frequent intervals?
well now that you mention it...
do you see shapes, letters, numbers, musical notes, and incan hieroglyphics in neon colors?
yes, yes, how did you know!

once i realize that i do indeed see incan hieroglyphics in neon colors, i remember that i actually do have some wandering lines and floaty zigzags so i have to go back and change those answers to yes.

so by the time i finish the symptom checker, turns out i don't have eye cancer at all... i have, in reality, a brain aneurysm! just as i suspected.

so that's it then. i'm going the way of izzy stevens. mom asked if i wanted to go see the doctor. it doesn't matter now, mom. if grey's has taught me one thing it is that things like brain aneurysms aren't found the first time around... or the second, or the third. it isn't until you force an entire army of surgical interns to study your case that they find the cause of your pain. and even then, you're screwed unless one of the interns has a photographic memory and happened to memorize the chapter about detecting brain aneurysms when every single test comes back standard. so the odds aren't really in my favor.

no complaints though- i've had a very fulfilling 20 years. i've seen a lot of great things. like the glorious return of harem pants. my only wish is that when the aneurysm ruptures and i begin to bleed into my brain (subarachnoid hemorrhaging), somebody fly my fated corpse to a savage land so that Justin will let me be cremated without banishing my soul to hell.

(btw, it's no coincidence that cremation rhymes with elation... and vacation, and salvation, and celebration.)

lovepeacespring

2009-03-15T01:25:00.002-06:00

just a glance at easters past.

lovepeacegod

2009-03-15T00:55:00.003-06:00

tonight i braved the grocery store at 11:40. oh i'll just wear my
uggs and performance fleece-
it's 11:40 on a Saturday night and I won't know anybody at maceys...
WRONGO!
i nearly escaped,
but as i checked out a nice masculine voice called my name-
i turned around and found parker mangum, affectionately referred to as
god.
oh hey parker mangum.
hey god.
hey god you looked good half-naked in this month's square magazine.
i told him that too!

i'm banking on the fact that neither god nor anyone who knows god
nor anyone who knows god's long-term gf is reading this.

my fan base is maxed out at 4 right now so i think i'm safe-
but just in case god gets his hands on this...
MI DISPIACE DIO MA NON POSSO CONTROLLARMI! COLPA MIA, OK?
(yeah god speaks italiano)

lovepeaceconsumerism

2009-03-13T09:13:00.005-06:00

I'm a consumer. I consume.

I recently consumed at a lot of places (I ran my errands). This is what went down:

SUBWAY: Why did I think I could get a decent Subway sandwich via drive-thru? Have you seen the menu at the Subway drive-thru? Maybe the Orem one is just deficient but there are NO LISTS! Bread, meat, vegetables, sauces... nope. If you don't already know which vegetables you want, you're screwed. Imagine my shock when Jorge asks for my order and I have to concoct something from memory.

Maybe it's a cost-saving tool. If you don't tell the consumer you have red onions, they won't order red onions and then you can stop buying so many red onions. Well I knew that they had red onions and I ORDERED my red onions! And two hours later when I was in yoga, they did not taste good.

WAL-MART: I hate Wal-Mart. And I still go there. They provide me with 6 24-ounce Diet Mt. Dews for $3.50. They give me S'more's cereal for $2 flat. It's a love-hate relationship.

BARNES & NOBLE: Last week I needed to read 2 measly chapters out of a book for my entrepreneurial marketing class. Rather than spend $27 on the book, I thought to just read the chapters whilst in B & N. Short on time, I altered my plans to buy the book and return it the next day. Bought it in Orem, returned it in Sandy, inbd. This week I needed the book again, so with lots of time and real intentions to stay in the store, I returned to the Orem B & N... only this time the book is gone! OH NO WHERE DID IT GO! Oh yes, I took it out of this store and took it to another. If ever anyone has shot themselves in the foot, it was me and it was unethical and I was being punished.

24-HOUR: I love 24-hour. Every piece of my heart loves every piece of 24-hour. But I'm making a new rule and this is it:

Before entering yoga, one must remove one's shoes and submit one's feet to an odor test. If one's feet fail, one will not be allowed to enter.

Little miss sweet feet next to me nearly threw off my vinyasa flow with her lethal limbs. In my book of mental marks, she has been marked. She and Wal-Mart have been marked. And red onions have been marked too.

lovepeacebelgium

2009-03-08T01:41:00.005-07:00

in 100 days 14 hours and 53 minutes, i'll be sipping sprite zero, munching on peanuts (i don't really eat peanuts) on a long flight to belgium. my quick layover in ireland will give me just enough time to track down the man from p.s. i love you before continuing onward to the land of the waffle.

the chronicles of my magical adventures will be found here.

just practicing my use of the link feature.

it feels a little bit strano (strange) to just whomp up a blog out of nowhere. it's like what's my past? what's my story? oh i don't have one i am a newborn blogger. a blog fetus. call me cletus the blog fetus. cletus the bletus.

so here's a starting point. a shout out to the best things ever in the whole world: hey! ho! (that's the shout out- i wasn't trying to get the attention of all the hos out there).

yoga
the library
say it with me - SUNLIGHT
greys anatomy
running
sundresses
italian
outside
shopping
airplanes
lunch dates
ice cream cones
marcus mumford
going to movies
orange (its a phase)

okey dokey artichokey. until next time ciao ciao!

lovepeacecountdown

2009-03-01T18:24:00.002-07:00

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