Monday, April 5, 2010


this evening i was feeling indulgent so i went to the library, where you can indulge and indulge and walk out of there with as much stuff as you want for free. i wont read 6 books or listen to an 8 cd set of american history made fun in the next 3 weeks, i can guarantee it. no big deal, it was all free.

but it wasnt enough for me.

so i headed over to barnes & noble, where you can get the same things as at the library but you have to pay for them. i succeeded in talking myself out of the giant book of iq tests, the mini notebook that says keep calm and carry on, and even the 8,892 things you can do to bring good karma. which i will probably go back for.

i was less successful, however, in resisting the magazine aisle. put lc (lauren conrad, if you havent watched reality tv in the last 5 years) on the cover of glamour and i will buy it. tell me this months people contains the most recent style watch and i will buy it. apparently you can get a flatter belly in days, not weeks, and it is so much easier than you thought. and im about to know how because i bought it.

and the worst part is that the magazines dont just cost me 8 dollars. no, because jennifer aniston is about to show me how to get her look with 479 guilt-free finds.

479! and they are guilt free! so i can, and will, buy them. and i wont feel guilt. except that i probably will feel guilt. i already feel guilt for spending 8 dollars on magazines. but when guilt went up against jennifer aniston, it didnt even stand a chance because she is super hot.

spending money on magazines that tell you to spend more money on things you dont need isnt all negative though. on the bright side, im about to know the 25 times im irresistible to him and dont even know it. glamour is offering me 10 tricks for sexy hair while people is offering me another 20, so ill have a total of 30 tricks. plus there is an outrage because of the 12,000 unsolved rapes but it is ok because one brave young woman is on a crusade for answers.

so i continue to fan the flame, to fuel the fire, to feed the fuego of mindless consumerism with my highly flammable magazine pages. because with omg so many freebies to win, who can afford not to?

also if you are a lazy girl looking for a guide to healthier eating, i will let you borrow my rip-out shopping list.