Sunday, March 28, 2010


today haley said, "did you know that in afghanistan the average life expectancy is 42? that means you would be 21 and think, oh i am half-way through my life."

so i said, "that means i would be having my mid-life crisis right now..."

oh wait. i am.

one time i went to college and got a degree and then i didnt know what to do. so i decided it was a good time to sit myself down and re-evaluate what it want to do when i grow up, which is kind of like now.

this is what i came up with.

i am smart so i should be a doctor. but i like dressing up so i dont want to wear scrubs and i dont really like blood or intestines and when people talk about passing out i pass out. so maybe that one is a no.

i like talking so maybe i should be a teacher. but i dont like kids very much (or at all) and i want to make money so that is a no.

i like clothes so maybe i should work in fashion. but then i watched devil wears prada and meryl intimidated me to tears through the t v screen. so maybe im not bad-a enough so that would be a no.

i like food so... oh ha ha no i dont really like food. but i do like cereal so maybe i could work in a cereal factory. hairnet. nope.

i like gap so maybe i could work at gap! yayayyayyyaaayyyyayyaayyy!

so gap takes this round. which is convenient because i already work there. besides, who doesnt want a discount on this?

or this?

oh i do.


yesterday on my break i went to bath and body works. i went to buy a candle and it is in front of the candle wall that i stood when i was suddenly ambushed by the flamboyant male employee who tried enthusiastically to convince me that island margarita was the best one of them all.

i said, you think so? and he goes, i dont think so, i KNOW so. it just is. my whole house smells like it and it is FABULOUS. (insert hand flick).

ok i dont really remember if he said fabulous but i think he did. so i bought it.

but you know what happens when you buy something at BBW? they always have some kind of coupon and they say, go pick out something else and it will be free. my most pressing need was shower gel so i made the rounds, smelling all of the smells and trying to choose one and that is when i found it.

butterfly flower. that is the real name of it. i felt guilty for liking it since it is called butterfly flower and since i am over the age of thirteen, but sometimes things like this just happen and we never know why.

so i bought it. well, they gave it to me free. so now i smell like this

and i want to wear one of these

and i want to be this lady

because she is having a good time and i bet she smells like a butterfly flower.

Thursday, March 11, 2010


the winter has made me weak and feeble like unto a wimpy child and i was thinking that i am not hardcore enough so in preparation for summer i have decided to become more hardcore. every day im trying to do a brave thing that will make me more hardcore. so far i have done these brave things:

1 yesterday i told the people who got on the treadmill next to me that it was broken. (it was, in fact, broken. i wasnt just saying that.)

if you think telling someone a treadmill is broken isnt scary then please keep that to yourself because i kind of do. it would be much easier to let them figure it out on their own and watch them as they push buttons like a FOOL and finally walk away.

but today i was their champion and saved them from the depths of foolery.

the women thanked me for my kindness and found themselves an elliptical. the men didnt believe me and continued to push every button on the machine until they finally concluded that it was broken (im not exaggerating, every single man did that).

2 two days ago i parked in visitor parking at byu. hay says this shouldnt be scary since i am, in fact, a visitor but because my car still has byu parking stickers in the window i look like a fraud. the man sitting at the toll booth gives me the stink eye before he hands me my visitor pass every time. the stink eye would normally be enough to deter me from parking there but not anymore. not now that i am hardcore.

3 and now for the grand finale. tonight i went out to a social event. a barbecue, if you will. for someone who loves people i sure do shirk at the idea of social events. of all the scarier things in life, this is the scariest.

but tonight i was the bravest and i faced the scariest.

i put on my denim motorcycle jacket and i faced the barbecue in all of its social glory. and i was the VICTOR! the victor as in the combatant who is able to defeat rivals, not the victor like the name.

like alice in wonderland, i have slain the jabberwocky. and if you havent seen alice in wonderland you should go see it today or tonight, do not delay.

and thus progresses my goal of becoming an hcxba (hardcore to the max bad-a). next on the list: face my debit card history for the month of february. retail therapy works wonders for the winter blues, not so much for my savings.

...also i just want to throw this in there: if i felt inclined to talk about my feet on my blog, i would tell you that brave thing number 4 was popping my own blisters after my 10-miler which is usually a job i save for claudia. but that is nast so im not going to say anything.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010


i dont know if anybody noticed, but i took a brief blogging hiatus. no reason, just decided to mix it up a little. but like a runner misses his toenails, i have missed the blog.

so i came back!

seems logical that i give a quick recap, just to let you know what you've missed in the world of me for the last 74 days. so recap. here it is:

1. stopped working at my real job because of the carpal tunnel.

love the company
love the people
hate the carpal tunnel.

2. started, well re-started, working at my FAVORITE JOB EVER.


if you could wed a store, i would wed the GAP. my love for the GAP fills my heart all the way up to my throat or even half-way up my throat. they have to make me go home when my shift is over. i beg haley to give me her shifts. i mean i REALLY love this job. so thats cool.

2.5 as a direct result of my new job, my wardrobe has improved significantly. i wish i could say the same for my checking account.

i now own this

and this

this too

oh and this dress

i could go on but i wont.

3. picked up running.

i remember that i like running and dislike what running does to my feet. my toenails are pretty mad at me so they arent sticking around for long.

4. slammed my finger in a car door.

actually that happened in november during a rant about carpal tunnel, after which i went into shock, after which the nail turned electric blue, after which the nail turned black, and on sunday the nail fell off. so i painted my thumb pink so that if you look only briefly i can trick you into thinking i have a thumbnail. freaky? yep.

my nails and i used to be such good friends
but things have really taken a turn for the worse.

5. began honing my domestic skills.

one time i baked muffins from scratch and one time i cooked salmon in a frying pan. i hang my pants on the clothesline and sometimes i swiffer the kitchen floor. i have even been a hostess a couple times. call me dolly madison because i practically am.

6. moved in with hales.

it is the best thing ever. we watch movies and go to the wal-marts. we learn the words to we didnt start the fire. we even have girl talk sometimes. just ask and i will invite you over to mingle with us and i might even bake you a muffin because i have become quite domestic.

those are the 6 most important things that have happened in the last 74 days. stay tuned, i think things are about to get exciting.

p.s. remember god? he just came over to our table to chat. he's married now. oh man.