Tuesday, May 12, 2009


im not a super emotional person. ok that was an understatement. i have a heart of stone. stone cold like limestone. like granite. like edward cullen's skin. my heart is vampire skin.

i once went over 5 months without crying. not one single solitary tear, not of happiness nor of sadness. i submitted myself to a grey's anatomy marathon to try and evoke a weep. couldn't happen. whilst an amiga of mine bragged about how she cried herself to sleep every night, woke up still crying, and continued to cry all day long (she didn't need to tell me- i was present and aware. oh boy was i aware.), i carried on with my desert eyes and edward-skin heart. needless to say, im not a weeper.

that is, until recently. lately i can't keep a tear in my eye to save my life. i watch grey's, i cry like a small child. mother's day, i weep tenderly. it was all i could do to not bawl in the theater during the trailer for my sister's keeper. (watch this and tell me if you can't keep from crying... then i'll tell you who has a heart of vampire skin.)

upon careful analysis, i have come up with three possible options for my emotional state:

1 after never, i mean never ever never, having been away from my parents for more than 10 days (and even then i was only in provo), i am preparing to leave the country for who knows how long. i may never return or see my family ever again.

2 i recently graduated from college and am being thrown haphazardly, like an infant from the top of a tall building, into the real world where i have to be a grown up.

3 izzy stevens has stage 4 metastatic melanoma with metastasises to the liver, brain, and skin, and has a 5% chance of survival. last week after she married karev, she lost all of her hair.

it does not take a rocket scientist nor a brain surgeon to conclude that 3 is the most obvious and only option that is even remotely plausible as the cause for my ever-swelling heart and leaky eyes. dear izzy stevens, please dont die.