Tuesday, May 12, 2009


im not a super emotional person. ok that was an understatement. i have a heart of stone. stone cold like limestone. like granite. like edward cullen's skin. my heart is vampire skin.

i once went over 5 months without crying. not one single solitary tear, not of happiness nor of sadness. i submitted myself to a grey's anatomy marathon to try and evoke a weep. couldn't happen. whilst an amiga of mine bragged about how she cried herself to sleep every night, woke up still crying, and continued to cry all day long (she didn't need to tell me- i was present and aware. oh boy was i aware.), i carried on with my desert eyes and edward-skin heart. needless to say, im not a weeper.

that is, until recently. lately i can't keep a tear in my eye to save my life. i watch grey's, i cry like a small child. mother's day, i weep tenderly. it was all i could do to not bawl in the theater during the trailer for my sister's keeper. (watch this and tell me if you can't keep from crying... then i'll tell you who has a heart of vampire skin.)

upon careful analysis, i have come up with three possible options for my emotional state:

1 after never, i mean never ever never, having been away from my parents for more than 10 days (and even then i was only in provo), i am preparing to leave the country for who knows how long. i may never return or see my family ever again.

2 i recently graduated from college and am being thrown haphazardly, like an infant from the top of a tall building, into the real world where i have to be a grown up.

3 izzy stevens has stage 4 metastatic melanoma with metastasises to the liver, brain, and skin, and has a 5% chance of survival. last week after she married karev, she lost all of her hair.

it does not take a rocket scientist nor a brain surgeon to conclude that 3 is the most obvious and only option that is even remotely plausible as the cause for my ever-swelling heart and leaky eyes. dear izzy stevens, please dont die.


  1. Oh Steph! Can I just tell you, i've been there. Up until my Aunt passed away a few ago, I hadn't cried in almost a year. Talk about edward skin heart. But I just think it's all in our heart wether we want to cry or not. I have almost forced myself not to cry, because I don't want to seem weak. But crying is an amazing release of energy. Anyway, just know you're not alone in this crazy emotional state. :-)
    P.S I think that trailer should have a warning sign attached to it.

  2. I hate when Denny comes back...why can't he just stay away?! Oh Izzy...grey's won't be the same without you.

  3. I watched the trailer and ... didn't cry. I will tell you this, though. The last time I cried was at the end of Benjamin Button. Dang.

    Niagara fell from my eyes.

  4. what!!!! i haven't watched greys for almost a year. this just shattered my entire universe. steph. i loved running into you the other day.

  5. As the singularly emotionally detached Santistevan and a former rocket scientist, I can say, will full confidence, that none of the above reasons constitutes weepage. Instead, I submit that you, like myself, ran too hard today and the "leaky nose" and watery eyes are the curse of one Genario Santistevan...your great grandfather!!!

  6. Dear Steph,

    If you don't come back from Belgium I will die! But, if for some reason you must stay there... at least continue to blog. I can't live without it! It is the air I breath and the blood I...bleed. What I'm trying to say is- it's essential to my livelihood.

    I believe you're emotional cuz you murdered the Easter Bunny and those melancholy feelings are just beginning to surface.

    Barry, if you're reading this you need to grow a pair. Benjamin Button was lame-O!

    Papi, I freak'n love you! You're hilari-O.

    Steph, you make my world a better, more brighter place.

  7. Do I know this amiga of yours?

  8. Steph. don't talk like that of course you'll be back. you're coming to my wedding and you family wouldn't miss for their life. well. right. anyway...
    on other matters. i know that the girl you are talking bout is NOT me. because i don't ever cry. ever..

    ok right so i cry at the thought of hitting the easter bunny a couple weeks ago...

  9. Steph.. I love you! This just made my day, you are hilarious!