Sunday, April 5, 2009

lovepeaceanimalmurder

about a week ago in my journey of self-discovery, i finally came to terms with the fact that i am not an animal lover. it has always been my deep and dark secret, perhaps my deepest and darkest. in first grade when all the other girls wanted to be vets, i wanted to be an ice skater. in third grade when all the other girls chose the lisa frank trapper keepers with cats and horses, i wanted the genie one. i love my maggie and i aspire one day to own a weimaraner, but that's the end of my rope. i don't ride horses, i'm afraid of birds, and i am intolerant of cats.

as if the universe was aware of my reconcilliation, punishment was sent my way like a plague of locusts. the universe's method of torture? exposure to animal murder.

the first exposure is the most dramatic and surely the saddest. in fact, it might be the most dramatic and saddest thing that has ever happened to me ever in my whole life. if you are easily upset, you might want to skip this one.

i killed the easter bunny. we'll be lucky if easter comes at all this year.

in transit from denver (where citizen cope changed my life), at an hour of the morning which shall not be named in which it is dark, rabbit felt it necessary to cross the road. my options were limited: kill the bunny or kill five very neat, very beautiful 20-something-year-olds.

VS


so jack lost the battle.

second exposure is just weird. if you are easily upset, i'd skip this one too. whilst i sat through yet another consumer behavior presentation, i was exposed to this commercial:




nuff said.

lastly, the lure of a space heater and a coffee toffee frosty coaxed me into four hours of the third lord of the rings movie. i absolutely won't complain for reasons not listed here,

but you know that part at the beginning when smeagol takes a bite out of a fish? i wasn't warned and i'll never eat sushi again. ok i might eat sushi again because i really like it, but if my stomach lurches we have smeagol to blame. sbaglio tuo, smeagol.

6 comments:

  1. I recently came accross your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I dont know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.


    Kaylee

    http://grillsblog.com

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  2. I'm now your blog friend! and you shall be mine. LOVE YOU!

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  3. mmm that's disgusting. Jack deserved it. it was past his curfew anyway. Thats why we tell our children that they can't be out past 12. because they will get hit by cars.
    love you

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  4. Dear Steph:
    You're hilarious. And you should be a writer.
    I'm blog stalking you.
    Is that creepy?
    Thought so.
    But really, I love reading your blog. You're so great.
    Sincerely,
    That one McKell girl

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  5. Stevo. I stumbled upon your blog via facebook. We must be blog friends. I blog almost every day. You are fabulous.

    ReplyDelete