Tuesday, October 13, 2009


saturday night i was nervously pacing the front hallway, waiting for my date to come pick me up, when he called to say sorry he was running late. i asked him what his best excuse was and he told me that he didnt believe in excuses and he said that the best thing to do is always just tell the truth.


excuses are always the best option. good excuses work wonders. even bad excuses work wonders if you tell them in the right tone of voice because people dont know if it is true or not. sensitive excuses work the best, like about illnesses and death, because nobody is brave enough to call you on it. another tip is to tell the excuse in a sarcastic voice because it confuses people. the worst case scenario is that people see through you but they let it slide and call you a fool behind your back but at least you got away with it.

so here are my excuses for not blogging since my return to the states. all of them are true:

1. the seasonal transition to fall gave me anemia. there is no time to blog when you are eating iron-rich meats.
2. i felt it necessary to learn the international phonetic alphabet so i did.
3. halloween quickly approacheth and my forest nymph costume isnt going to sew itself.
4. i rediscovered the public library and it sucked me into its ever-deepening chasm. ask me about numerology. ask me about feng shui. ask me how to catch a fairy. i can tell you.
5. speaking of rediscoveries and chasms, lets talk about wal-mart. i never want to leave. i want everything from the newly updated great value brand crystal light packets to the miley cyrus line of clothing. especially the miley cyrus line of clothing.
6. miley cyrus deleted her twitter account. how can i go on.
7. i am trying to simultaneously increase my french, italian, and spanish skills whilst also trying to keep them straight. n'est pas molto bueno. that sentence has irony because it has all three languages mixed together. that is why that sentence is funny.

regardless of these true reasons (note that i said regardless, not irregardless because irregardless is not a word. please remember that the next time you want to say it.) i am pleased to announce that i have returned to the blogosphere. i knocked on blogosphere's door and i said sorry for being a bad friend, blogosphere. and he said it is ok and he let me back in. because blogosphere is kind like that.


  1. I HATE when people say irregardless. One day my dad tried to convince me it was a real word. I sure proved him wrong. And I got Cold Stone out of it. I love to win!

  2. Haha! I agree...excuses for the win!

  3. yay steph. i loved seeing you at my wedding. i hope i see you again soon!

  4. Dear Excuse Goddess,

    Can you tell me what excuse I can use to get out of a stop sign violation ticket? I have until the 26th to come up with something. I'm pretty sure an illness or death won't work in this situation... but irregardless, I need your help.

    Yours truly,

    Pathetic Excuse Maker

  5. Blogosphere is kind and forgiving.

    Traffic cops are NOT! Good luck, Katt. I did the same thing and ended up paying 120 bucks for the ticket and traffic school.

  6. i have this friend, let's call her, i don't know, ali, who is going to traffic school in sl tonight and provo on saturday.

    maybe you guys can all be traffic school friends

  7. Yeah! She has returned! Thanks Blogosphere for opening your door to my dear sister.